I've posted before on losing my father at a relatively young age and I've reached a hefty milestone with his passing now. This May will mark 21 years since he died. Someone recently posted about having lived longer without their parent than they had with them. I am almost to that point and reading that woman's post made me reflect. As I've written before, it doesn't get "easier" as some may say. At least it hasn't for me but I can tell you that I have definitely healed greatly from the pain of his passing and it is different now. In some respect, and at some times the pain can feel just as raw but it's almost as if there is some protective field around the wound now. I can't say it's time. I can say that in the time that has passed, so many other wonderful blessings have come my way--mainly marriage and my own children. These blessings have brought me such joy. Joy that I didn't think I would ever feel again after my father died and it is through God's grace, that I have hurt less and received the gift of JOY more. I can now remember my father with fondness, love and genuine JOY that I had the blessing of such an amazing man as my father. I can appreciate that, even though he was taken from earth far sooner than I would have liked, he was still here. He was the man that he was and he impacted my life greatly while he was here.
Just the other day, I happened to remember one song that I listened to over and over and over again during the first year of mourning my father's passing. Ironically, I had to actually purchase it (again) on itunes (although I own the CD and have it somewhere around here!) I listened to it. This was the first time in over 20 years that I've listened to the song. In case you're wondering--the song is "Is it over yet?" by Wynona Judd. It was probably written for a romantic relationship ending but for some reason--it was my go to song for comfort and it really allowed me to cry. I mean cry it out, cry! I think I related the whole tell me when it's over concept to letting go of my dad on earth. It's as if I knew it was inevitable, yet I couldn't bear to deal with it so I turned to God: just tell me when it's over, God. I trusted God through the process. I know that helped me heal. He continued to bless me. I know that helped me heal. I did the work of mourning. Thankfully, during our first year of marriage, my husband and I worked opposing shifts so I had a lot of time alone to mourn. This too, was a blessing. Within a year, our lives had rapidly changed. New jobs, a new beautiful baby boy and a home that was once again filled with love and joy.
I began to heal.
Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. (Mathew 5:4) I am thankful that music helped. I am also thankful that I can listen to that very same song now and feel stronger. I have grown and healed by God's grace.
I pray that my children never have to experience that pain of losing a parent. But should they ever have to endure anything painful (as I'm sure they will. It's a part of life.) I pray that God will be their go-to- and refuge, because I know first hand that He is their number one caretaker and only through Him, with Him and in Him is there hope of healing and strength.
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