Well, well, well! What have we here? Can this truly be that I left you, my little sacred blog, back in 2015 and am just now returning in 2020? Oh yes, it seems to be so!
How on earth have I been so shockingly busy (Vegi-tale reference) that I have not MADE the time to write? How have I lost that much of myself? Well, I'll tell you how! Here's my first line to my new book-
No one really knows your story, .........until you tell it.
So I'm here. And I'm ready to tell it and ready to write.....again. Because writing has always been the one thing I can come back to do and what I feel called to do. And writing is joy for me but not just joy, it is therapeutic, it is healing and affirming and empowering and I very much need those things in my life right now.
No, it's not just the election-the pandemic-the horrific racism that has been revealed to me. I have been praying for something more to be revealed to me and then I have been ignoring it when it was revealed. Shame on me. I know better! So I will start with love because that is one true thing I know and still believe in! Love. I have loved. I have been in it and through it and back to it. But there comes a time when you also realize that loving someone isn't enough to make everything work. I love my husband. I love my children. I love my life. I love my job. And amid all this love, there has still been pain. There has been hurt. There has been glorious and beautiful moments intertwined with miserable, gut wrenching moments and I take it all without ever missing a precious moment because I have valued what life has dished out. The good, the bad, the ugly. It has always taught me something and as a teacher, what more can you ask for, really? So I'm here.....and 2020 is trying to DRAG us....and it has dragged us but I also think we have an incredible opportunity in this wild year to move forward and BECOME! That is where I am with it right now. On this day. I am ready to embrace the BECOMING!
My babies aren't babies anymore. They are almost all full adults! And they are just as much joy as they ever were. The toes aren't as dinky as they used to be, but I cherish them just as much, if not more! I can tell you this, if your children are still small......just hang on! They grow up so quickly but the fun doesn't end there. Sure, I miss those whittles as I like to call them! But the BIGSIES are wonderful too! They are brilliant and brave and open thinkers and they have taught me SO MUCH!! I raised them with religion and God and that was such an important aspect for me as a mother, but they've grown into their own beliefs and wow!! They are on a path that makes me so proud! I value their outlook on life and I could NOT BE MORE PROUD of who they are growing into and BECOMING!! This summer my son introduced me to some amazing writers! (Chomsky!) and I was enthralled with his ideas and perspective. Then, baby daughter inspired me to learn about racism. I read several black authors on topics of racism and my heart has started to peel back at the truth of racism in our world. Then lastly, my oldest daughter sent me Untamed by Glennon Doyle to read and holy heck-- girl, that book is life altering and a must read for every female.....but the thing that all of these authors did was turn my world upside down and truly helped me to face some things that were not right in my life. Then I prayed (as I always do) for God to reveal some things to me and of course, in doing that, I had to be ready to accept what those revelations meant. That is the part I am not good at doing. What I am good at doing, is staying the course. I am very, very good at pushing down my own pain and ignoring my own alarms to keep everyone else comfortable. I'm sure it is a trait of many mothers and many do-gooders. We want everything good and calm and I grew up in the turmoil of an alcoholic-divorced-then step family- torn apart so having calm in my own family was uber important to me. But at what cost? What are we really teaching our children if we cover the truth and bury the pain and ignore all the alarms? We may be teaching them to do the same. Is that what we want? No, I don't think so anymore. And I am no longer ok with the status quo. I am not ok with it in our world, in our leadership, in our communities, or in our churches. How do we make it better? We have to face the truth of what it is, first and foremost. We have to call it out when we see it and speak up when it is happening and CARE even if it isn't directly affecting us. That is true in our personal lives as well. We have to pursue the goodness. I joke about losing my religion but the basic of my religion is seeking goodness so a formal building or rituals or rules aren't necessary parts of that anyway. And if there is so much wrong happening in the name of religion, well we have already lost our religion then. So much to unpack here, but ultimately if we seek that which is good.......and we are honest and true......living to serve and help others and doing what is right.....that is the goals of most religions and certainly what I believe God wants us to do.
So 2020....as horrific and glorious as you have been, I have to say THANK YOU, NEXT! (Ari reference;) and I'm ready to move forward!
